


War of Fire

by nightclxuds



Category: Attack - Fandom, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Feels, Blood and Violence, Character Death, Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Love Triangles, Titans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:00:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27000847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightclxuds/pseuds/nightclxuds
Summary: ❝There is a savage beast in every man, and when you hand that man a sword or spear and send him forth to war, the beast stirs.❞𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐀 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐃 her life inside the walls. Because, after all, life in a stone cage was better than no life at all. The world outside the wall, no matter how badly she wanted to see it, was simply that--outside the wall. Only suicidal fools left the tentative safety of the walls.Eliana truly had accepted her life--that is until the walls came crashing down and everything she had ever known followed with them.
Relationships: Erwin Smith & Original Female Character(s), Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Female Character(s), Levi Ackerman & Original Female Character(s), Levi/Erwin Smith/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	1. PROLOGUE

**PROLOGUE: THE WORLD SHE ONCE KNEW.**

❖ ❖ ❖

**WHEN SHE WAS YOUNG** , her father had told her that every person must do two things alone: their own believing and their own dying. It wasn't until she saw death in person that she truly understood what he had meant.

For a child, Eliana had become acquainted enough to death that she thought she knew it—understood it, even. She had watched her father's patients die, succumbing to disease or injury. She had seen the soldiers that came home from outside the walls—had seen the lost limbs and missing eyes and the bloodied, rotting corpses on the backs of wagons—and had accepted it as a part of life, just like she had learned to accept her own life inside the walls.

In many ways, the walls were a cage. A fifty-meter stone cage, but a cage nonetheless. She had seen aspects of it her whole life—predator and prey. As her grade-school teacher had once explained it to her, the fish is prey to the bird. The bird is prey to the human. The humans are prey to the Titans.

What better way to live the life of cattle than in a cage like them? But living a simple, boring life was better than living no life at all.

Or so she thought.

But once she met death, stared into it's vacant, smiling face, she knew that living and dying was not as simple as she had once believed. That nothing would ever be as simple as it once was when she was thirteen.

Her home, her friends, her family, her life—all irrevocably changed within a matter of minutes. Everything she had once known and loved was just _gone_.

As she sat in the boat, her legs pulled up to her chest, she finally understood what her father had meant.

She had to believe there was something more than this life, something more outside of the ruined walls. _Something better_.

The screams of horror from the destroyed city behind her started to echo through the air, slicing her to her core. Slowly, she covered her ears and buried her face in her legs, rocking slowly.

Death wasn't coming as her brother had always warned her. No, it was already here and once it was done with Shiganshina, it would move onto another target further in the walls.

Death would come for her—and she knew it would, for it had come for everything she loved that day—and she would not hesitate. She would not waiver. She would not fear.

When it came for her, she would be ready.

Because the world she once knew was gone, and it had taken the old Eliana Jaeger with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adaline here! Just a few quick notes before shit really hits the fan.
> 
> This book is also posted on Wattpad under the same username (nightclxuds). There I have a playlist link for War of Fire if you want to listen to it! You can also find the playlist by looking up my spotify user: nightskies.
> 
> In this fic, Eren, Eliana + 104th are all 18 or over because I feel very uncomfortable with a bunch of fifteen-year-olds being sent to war :)
> 
> Also, Levi will be in this mid-twenties and Erwin will be thirty in this fic (I mean, c'mon have you seen those men? They are ~youthful~).
> 
> If you've stuck around long enough to read this, you're a real one. Thanks for reading!
> 
> \- Adaline  
> 
> 
> P.S. And, yes, Eliana is Eren's twin sister. I know that is the epitome of cliché, but it's ~my~ fic so whoop.


	2. To You, in 2000 Years

** CHAPTER ONE ** **:**   
**TO YOU, IN 2000 YEARS.**   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


❖ ❖ ❖  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_YEAR 845_ **   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**ON THE DAY THAT THE WALL** fell, the sky was beautifully and misleadingly clear. Void of any wispy pieces of fluffly cloud, Eliana stretched her fingers toward the pale blue expanse, her heart fluttering wildly as she watched the birds soaring above her. Between the spaces of her fingers, she watched as they freely breezed in elegant swoops from one place to next, their soft chirping echoing through the small clearing.

For a moment, she let herself wonder what it felt like to be a bird, to soar across the sky without care or worry. To be light as air. To be able to see the world beyond the walls. To be _free_.

The moment the thought crossed her mind, she squeezed her eyes shut as she felt the familiar sharp tug deep in her chest. She dug her nails into the soft flesh of her palm, wincing a little at the pain.

 _Remember what Mother said_ , she told herself as her nails dug their way further into her skin. _There is freedom in safety. A wild imagination will do no good beyond the Wall._

Even as she repeated the words her mother had drilled into her since she could talk, it still didn't quell that longing to see _more_ hidden deep inside her. She blamed her brother for that persistent curiosity in the back of her mind. Listening to him talk about the stupid Scouts and their expeditions beyond the wall every day, day-in, day-out, was starting to mess with her. Words like _adventure_ and _freedom_ couldn't afford to be in her vocabulary.

Because adventure was dangerous. Because exploration was out of the question. Because a moment of freedom would get her killed.

And yet, she couldn't help that sharp pang of jealousy that struck her every time she watched the birds in the sky, even though they were perhaps one of the more beautiful things in life. She both loved and hated to watch their elegant dives in mid-air, twirling and twisting, because they had the freedom of flying wherever they wanted—wall or no.

Unfortunately, she didn't have wings that could carry her to her freedom. She just had the ability to watch—and dream a little if she could get away with it.

Slowly, she reopened her eyes. This time, Eliana no longer focused on the sky but the branches of the tree looming above her. Spring had begun a couple of weeks ago and everything was starting to grow into a full bloom again after a long, cold winter. She watched as the bright green leaves rustled with the brushing cool breeze whisking through the small meadow. She allowed her fingers to dig into the long blades of grass at her sides, feeling the soft dirt underneath her.

She didn't think about the dirt that would get under her nails, nor what her Mother would say if she saw them. She just let herself exist, to feel the solidness under her, and pretended, even just for a moment, that she had her whole life to feel such calm peace.

"He still hasn't woken up."

At the sound of her sister's quiet voice, Eliana's head lulled to the side, a few strands of her hair falling over her eyes as she did so. Mikasa sat beside her, her small pale hands clutched tightly in her lap as her gaze rested on the boy sleeping on her other side.

With one deep sigh, she sat up, pulling herself away from the warm ground, and settled herself beside Mikasa, her knees pressing gently into the grass.

"He _has_ been asleep for a while," Eliana drawled, eyes starting to alight with a wicked excitement as she leaned towards the unaware boy. "Maybe I should kick him awake. Or do you think a slap would be more effective?"

At the eagerness in her voice, Mikasa craned her head a fraction of an inch, her dark brow furrowing ever so slightly. "You can't hit Eren."

Eliana frowned at her as she sat back on her heels. With her hand, she gestured over to the boy in front of them. "But he's having a nightmare. Look, he's crying."

Her brother—who had shirked his responsibility to collect firewood with them for a nap, the lazy ass—was tucked at the base of the large willow tree they all lumbered under, the shadows of the branches casting dark lines across his scrunched face. On his cheeks were big, wet tears that dripped from his chin and onto his shirt.

For a brief moment, she wondered what Eren could possibly be dreaming about that caused him to act so unlike himself. She watched as he twisted and turned, whimpering in his sleep, and decided it was nothing good.

"C'mon, Kasa," Eliana whined as she pressed her palms together and held her folded hands to her chest as if she praying, a gesture she had learned from the few times they'd been taken to The Church. "Let me wake him—I won't even hit him hard, swear! It'll just be a _little_ tap."

Eliana peered at Mikasa under her eyelashes with her big, doll-like eyes. She had even begun to pout as she always did when she wanted to get her way, but Mikasa's black eyes only stared back at her calmly, completely unfazed.

"No."

When she was six, Eliana had found that she was particularly adept at dealing with people. All it had taken was a couple of charming words and the bat of her eyelashes and she had strangers eating out of the palm of her hand. She was so good, in fact, that most didn't realize how willingly they were being manipulated. She knew a part of it had to do with her appearance—she was small and slim for her age, looking more like a ten-year-old than a thirteen-year-old—but it was from her mother who taught her the importance of propriety, and her father who taught her how far civility would go in getting her what she wanted from others.

However, Mikasa seemed to be the exception to her charm, and that frustrated her. How was it that she was the only person who seemed to be absolutely immune to her? Even Eren, her own snot-nosed twin, had a hard time saying no to her when she turned the full force of her prettiest smile on him.

Something hard spiked inside her stomach as she crossed her arms over her chest and huffed, "It's annoying how you always take his side."

And take Eren's side she did. Ever since she had come to live with them four years ago, Mikasa has clung to Eren as if her life depended on it. Mikasa's preference for Eren was an insignificant, trivial thing to be jealous of, but she couldn't stop herself. She was used to being admired and doted on by everyone she met—like the boys at school who hung on her every word, or the drunk garrison soldiers that would watch her as she passed through the gate check-point, or the random strangers in the market who would stop and compliment her on her hair or her eyes or her soft, delicate features.

She was a vain, thirteen-year-old girl who wanted to be liked by everyone and to interact with someone as detached and aloof as Mikasa who didn't give a damn how pretty she was or how sweet she acted really, _really_ bothered her.

Mikasa said nothing in response to Eliana's complaining. Instead, she turned her gaze back to Eren, who had begun to slowly lull his head from side-to-side like he was shaking his head in response to a question.

Eliana watched as his eyes wildly darted around behind closed lids. Another soft whimper escaped from him as he slept, a deep _v_ forming where his brows furrowed together, and she frowned. She may threaten her brother with bodily harm, but that didn't mean she actually wanted to see him hurting. Seeing Eren so distressed (which she had only ever seen once and that experience had been enough to last her for her whole lifetime) created a hard knot in her chest that made it a bit harder to breathe.

She leaned forward, reaching over Mikasa's shoulder to poke his soft cheek. When he didn't react, her chest tightened even more.

She began to debate whether following Mikasa's plan of letting him ride out his dream was the right call when her brother let out a strangled gasp, his eyes flying wide open.

A soft, relieved sigh escaped her lips as her brother's green eyes—the same startling vivid shade as Eliana's—focused on the two girls. A look of confusion flashed across his face before the recognition seemed to kick in.

"Eli. Mikasa."

He spoke slowly, almost as if he was unsure of what he was seeing. Her frown deepened. She had never Eren in such a daze before. He was always so alert, it was almost jarring to see him staring at her with an almost sluggish hesitation.

_Must have been some nightmare_ , she thought to herself, shaking her head.

"We should get back," Mikasa said as he slowly pulled himself into a sitting position. Eren winced a little as he moved, his hand rubbing a small spot on the side of his head.

"Um, where are we exactly?"

A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips as Eliana said, "Try asking that again when you're awake."

Still looking a little dazed, Eren blinked at her. "I'm up, I—" He shook his head, trying to shake the sleep off. "It's just the dream I was having went on forever."

Mikasa quietly rose from her spot beside him and made her way over to her bundle of firewood laying a few feet away as Eren continued to mumble to himself.

"It was strange, but it's gone now. What was it about?"

"Well, whatever it was," Eliana told him as she pushed herself to her feet, "it made you cry like a little baby."

Eren whipped his head towards her, his mouth pressed into a thin line. "I was not crying!"

"Yeah, well, the stains on your shirt say otherwise."

Eren investigated the wetness on his cheeks by pressing his fingers lightly under his eyes, frowning at the moisture he found, as Eliana scooped up the small wicker basket full of fresh herbs laying beside her. She double-checked all everything quickly, mentally going over the list her father had told her before they left this morning. She was certain she had gotten all the right ones—she had spent the previous night studying the book on plants that Armin had lent her for this very purpose. Her father had promised her once she had started recognizing medicinal herbs and knowing their purposes, he'd finally show her how to mix them to make medicine, something she had been begging him to do for a while now.

Maybe he'd even let her go down in the cellar to teach her. He never let anyone down in the cellar, not even Mother. This could be her chance to see what he was working on down there all the time.

With a newfound sense of excitement, she looped the wicker basket on her arm as Eren trudged over to his bundle of firewood and haphazardly threw it over his back, his eyes still spaced-out under drooping eyelids.

As she adjusted the white skirt of her dress, she let out a frustrated groan. Automatically, both children looked to her, their bodies still facing the large stone wall looming in the distance.

"What's wrong?" Eren asked, his voice significantly louder than earlier, the sound of his sister's displeasure snapping him out fo his daze.

She gestured helplessly to the bottom of her dress, which was stained with large green patches from where she had been kneeling on the grass. "My dress is ruined."

At that, Eren rolled his eyes. "So? Who cares if your stupid dress is stained?"

Eliana felt her whole face scrunch up at his ignorance but said nothing back. She simply straightened her dress, keeping her head up as she walked past him in order to catch up with Mikasa, who almost half-way across the clearing. Of course, Eren wouldn't understand, he was a stupid boy. Eren could get dirty without fear of being reprimanded.

She could already hear her mother's voice now, chastising her for her appearance and the mess.

 _You're a young lady_ _and young ladies do not sit in the dirt and get stains on their dresses. Young ladies stay clean._

Eliana couldn't help but roll her eyes when she thought about what a "young lady" should do. She understood the importance of having manners and certain etiquette—after all, she's not a heathen—but learning how to wash Eren's shirts properly was _not_ something she considered worth her time.

She may only be thirteen, but she knew for a fact she didn't want to be a lady, especially not one of any noble degree. Ladies are always told what to do, how to act, and even what to wear. That wasn't the kind of life she wanted for herself, but it wasn't like she had much say in the matter.

If it were up to her, she would have fun and run around with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, not work on perfect posture or learn how to keep a house. She'd spend more time reading the books Armin lent her; she had amassed quite a collection under the bed her and Mikasa shared. She'd spend even more time with her dad, learning how to become a doctor just like him. She'd go on more patient trips and learn how to make more medicines.

She wanted to have her own life and go on adventures and see what little sliver of the world humanity had carved out for themselves behind the walls. She didn't want to be trapped inside a house, cooking, and cleaning. She wanted more. She wanted excitement.

_Freedom._

Even though she knew what she wanted was so horribly wrong, felt the guilt of wanting something so selfish and irresponsible, she couldn't stop herself from imaging having that kind of life, of seeing something beyond meters and meters of stone.

It may only exist in her imagination—a world without fear—but it was something to hold onto. 

And to her, it was beautiful.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


❖ ❖ ❖  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Do me a favor, huh? Don't let anyone know I was crying."

Eliana peeked over at her brother from the corner of her eye, raising her brow, as the three children dodged and weaved their way through the crowded path. It was mid-afternoon, judging from the sun's high position in the sky. The street leading to the gate to Shiganshina was always crowded around this time because people were returning from work in the city to their villages further inside Wall Maria.

"Fine, we don't tell anyone how you cried like a little baby," she said smoothly as she lithely danced her way around an incoming horse-drawn wagon. At that, Eren opened his mouth to protest, but the young girl continued, "Still, though. You don't even remember why? Maybe Dad should look into it."

He scowled at his sister as they passed through the stone gateway. "Right, 'cause tearing up is usually a medical thing."

She opened her mouth to inform her brother that _yes, as a matter of fact, tears most certainly could be a medical thing_ and that speaking on something you have no knowledge about wasn't proper when a strong, bolstering voice came from the other end of the gate.

"Somebody messin' with you, Eren? Or you just get on Mikasa's bad side?"

All three children immediately came to halt, stopping half-way through the gate. From the bright light on the other end, the tall figure that had spoken stepped into the shadows with a big, toothy grin on his face.

"Hey, Mr. Hannes," Eliana said in greeting to the garrison soldier that towered over them, relaxing now that she recognized the voice. However, Eren didn't seem to relax at all to the solider's presence but instead locked rigidly in place, stiff-limbed.

"What are even talking about?" Her brother snapped before his face twisted in disgust, leaning away from the soldier lumbering over him. "Ugh! You smell like a tavern!"

Eliana couldn't help but agree with her brother, the smell of liquor and booze wafting off of the soldier was thick and pungent, like Hannes had all but dumped the bottle of whatever alcohol he had managed to get ahold of on his body instead of in his mouth.

The only difference between the two of them though was that Eliana knew it wasn't polite to point out Mr. Hannes' day-time drinking habits.

After all, she had known Hannes for as long as she could remember. He had seen Father many times from his injuries (most likely caused by stumbling around drunkenly for half the day) and lived on their side of town. In a lot of ways, she viewed him as their drunk, lazy uncle that would give her and Eren pieces of candy whenever Mom wasn't looking.

At the opposite of the gate, the sounds of loud, raucous laughter echoed through the passageway. Eliana leaned to the side to peek past Mr. Hannes and saw three other garrison soldiers sitting at a rotted wooden table, all with drinks and cards in their hands.

"If only tears were cups of ale," one of them laughed.

Beside her, Eren let out a long, disappointed sigh. "Of course."

Hannes leaned closer to the children, his face flushed from all the alcohol. "You kids care for a swig?"

She heard Mikasa softly click her tongue in disapproval as Eliana stepped closer to her in an attempt to further herself from the gods-awful stench of Hannes's breath. She was doing her best to keep a straight face, but the closer he got, the more her eyes began to water.

Her brother blinked up at the sandy-haired soldier. "Aren't you, uh, on watch?"

Hannes broke out into an even bigger grin as he pounded his hand proudly against his chest in what looked to be a half-assed attempt at a salute. "Yup! Watchin' the ol' gate we are. Thirsty work, playin' sentry. Pinochle only goes so far to chase off the boredom. Lil' nip now and then keeps us all in our courage for a spell. Perks of being a guard, eh?"

"How do you expect to fight if you're so loose on your feet?" Eren demanded, his face turning a violent shade of red as his knuckles gripped the straps of his firewood carrier so tightly that they were white.

 _Uh-oh_. She recognized that angry look on her brother's face. By nature, Eren was a real hothead, but nothing got him more worked up than talking about what was on the other side of that wall.

Poor, unsuspecting Hannes simply stared back at her brother, startled by the response. "Huh? Now, why on earth would I have to fight?"

"Why do you think? What if they break through the walls?" Eren was practically fuming now. She could almost see the smoke coming out of his ears. "We'd be sitting ducks on your watch!"

She leaned over to Mikasa and whispered, "He's doing it again."

The other girl only nodded, her face impassive as ever. How she managed to stay so stoic all the time, even in the face of one of Eren's outbursts, was beyond Eliana's comprehension.

Hannes pressed his hand against the side of his temple, his voice becoming a bit softer. "Eren. Kid. Please. Use your inside voice."

At the sound of her brother's shouting, one of the other soldiers at the table had gotten up to investigate the disturbance. He was shorter than Mr. Hannes with thin, scraggly brown hair and a large, protruding stomach—something that her mother once told her was called a "beer belly".

The other soldier chuckled in amusement as he looked down at the three children in front of him. "The doc's son has got some fire in him." He turned to her brother. "Listen, the only thing they've done to the wall in the past hundred years is scratch at it. I have the feelin' if they get it in their big heads to do somethin' else, we'll be more 'n ready for 'em."

Eliana's brows furrowed as she took in the soldier's appearance. He was just as drunk as Hannes, face flushed red from all the liquor and clumsy limbs, and he thought that he could do something during a titan attack? The thought was almost laughable if it wasn't so frightening to think about.

Maybe it was a product of listening to Eren's rantings about Titans all the time or Armin's much softer warnings, but she didn't disagree with her brother. Gods forbid if Titans even breached the wall because where would they be? Stuck with a bunch of drunk and questionably trained guards to defend them? She had never seen a Titan up-close, but she had seen the Scout regiment soldiers when returning from an expedition outside the wall, had even helped her father treat a couple.

They always came back with fewer soldiers than they left with, and the ones that returned almost always had the most haunting look on their faces that Eliana had ever seen.

"A feeling?" Eren seethed, his high-pitched voice echoing off the stone passageway. "What have any of you actually done to be ready for 'em? Dad says you've gotta stay sharp!"

"Ah, good Doctor Jaeger," Hannes sighed, his hands resting on his hips. "Yeah, well. Can't argue with the man who single-handedly spared us from the plague. Thing is, he's talking about his scalpel. What we do isn't half as important."

He turned to look at all three children now, giving Eliana a warm smile. "Hey, no disrespect to your father, but a soldier's time beyond the wall kinda tends to put the whole issue into a different perspective. You see 'em groping around out there, mindless, dead-eyed."

"Wait a minute," Eren said, too surprised at Hannes' soft voice to be angry. "It sounds like to me you don't even think they're all that dangerous."

He shrugged, a simple rise and fall of the shoulders. "Eh."

Eren gasped in indignation. "Oh great! Then at least have the decency to stop calling yourselves a garrison; people might get the wrong idea!"

"Good point," Hannes chuckled, a small smile gracing his lined face. "Look at it this way, huh? If a garrison's actually doing what people think it oughta, we're up a creek. Personally, I take a lot of stock in being called a freeloader, it means things are good. It's how I can measure peace of mind."

There was a startling crack and Eliana glanced over to see her brother clenching his fists tightly at his side, grasping so tightly that his knuckles were popping. Something dark and cold flashed in his eyes as she took an involuntary step away from him. She had only seen that look on his face once four years ago, but she recognized it from the dreams—nightmares she had about that day. Blood-coated hands fumbling with a slippery knife. Screams. Death.

"Eren, please." Eliana's voice was barely above a whisper. "Drop it. He didn't mean anything by it. Let's go home."

But her brother was too far gone to hear her pleas. Mikasa must have sensed the change as well because one of her small, steady hands latched onto Eliana's elbow, almost as if she was going to pull her away from Eren. Mikasa had been there that day too, had seen what she had seen. Seen the look in Eren's eye and _knew_.

"Good?" Eren repeated, his voice no more than a dark hiss. "We live in a cage. All we do is eat and sleep. That's it. End of story. We have the peace of mind of livestock."

Hannes visibly flinched at the look on Eren's face, his eyes wide-eyed. The rest of his comrades, however, didn't seem all that affected.

They all laughed, almost delighted at her brother's outburst. She watched them all with round, disbelieving eyes. Were the blind? Or perhaps just stupid?

As much as she hated to admit it, Eren was right. They did live like cattle, living their lives between confines, waiting for the other shoe to drop. She had purposefully ignored this fact for most of her life because that made living in a cage a bit easier—pretending that life was free and open to her when it wasn't. She found herself jealous of those who couldn't see what she saw, know what she knew, and of their blissful ignorance.

They have had a hundred years attack-free from the Titans. But they didn't live in peace like all the royal propaganda claimed. They lived in fear, of outside the walls, of living, of dying.

_Of each other._

But the soldiers kept laughing anyway, just as shockingly ignorant as before. She gripped the handle of her wicker basket tighter in her hands.

And she hoped to the gods or the walls or whatever it was that kept them here that they remained that way. She wanted nothing more than to be proven wrong.

Eren said nothing as he grabbed Eliana's wrist and tugged gently. All it took was that one little movement and she was walking beside him out of the gate. With Mikasa on her other side, she kept her head tucked, using her dark hair as a curtain to shield herself from drunken gazes. Eren, on the other hand, kept his head high as they walked out of the gate, the soldiers' laughter still echoing behind them.

Once the children had made it past the gate and into town, the soldiers had settled back down for their card game, drunkenly teasing and calling each other names as they enjoyed the nothingness of being a guard.

However, after the children had left, Hannes had remained rooted in the same spot, staring at them as they drifted further into town.  
  
  
  
  
  


❖ ❖ ❖  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The rest of the walk through town was quiet. Most of the time, Eliana would try to start a conversation about something insignificant—even though both Eren and Mikasa were gods-awful when it came to socialization—just to avoid the long, awkward silence, but she didn't bother attempting it today.

For the most part, Eren had calmed down after getting through the gate and had stayed silent since. Eliana knew better than to poke the bear when it was asleep.

Mikasa, however, didn't.

"Eren. You should let the Scout Regiment thing go."

Her voice was soft, demure, and non-threatening, but Eliana stiffened automatically at the mention of the Scouts—Eren's personal heroes. Gods, she wished Mikasa hadn't brought it up.

Her brother whipped his head towards the other girl, his mouth pulled down into a deep frown. "Seriously? Why does everybody think they're a joke?"

"What people think about them isn't the issue," Eliana murmured softly, more to herself than anyone else.

Eren's sick ideology of the Scouts had them painted out to be some kind of brave heroes of humanity. To her, she wasn't sure if they were brave or just plain foolish.

When Eren had first told her that he had planned to join the Scouts when he was eligible for training camp, she had felt overwhelming nausea and had almost thrown up on him right then and there. Everyone knew that being a Scout meant death—it wasn't _if_ , it was just a matter of _when_.

She had seen the dead bodies the Scouts carted in after every expedition, all wrapped in thick white sheets. Some were half the length of the others and she could only assume it was the half of the body they could get that wasn't in a Titan's digestive system.

Of the soldiers that did return, there were missing body parts—legs, arms, eyeballs. Cold, lifeless looks on the soldiers that could still walk. The horrors they had seen out there was something she had tried to imagine once, basing it upon what little they had read in school about the Titans. Her imagination had been enough for her to have nightmares a week afterward.

And even worse, imagining her brother's snapped in half as if he were nothing more than a paper doll, dangling in the mouth of some horrifying monster had absolutely _terrified_ her.

After that, she had spent a good month trying to convince Eren to do something else—anything else. But, being the hard-headed ass he was, he never caved. Not once.

 _Damn him_. Damn him and his stubbornness and his ego. He was a gods-damned suicidal fool and she hated him simply for the fact that he thought nothing of his family before he made his decision. Hadn't thought of how Mom and Dad and Mikasa would feel about him going beyond the walls. How Eliana would feel when she'd inevitably had to collect his body or what little remained of it if there was anything at all.

She had been by his side since before they were born and hadn't intended on ever separating. Just thinking about Eren not being in her life left a hollow feeling in her chest, one that scared her more than anything else in this world. More than being married off. More than dying herself.

 _Where you go, I go_ , she had told him once.

Eren, who must have heard her mumble, opened his mouth to defend his precious Scouts like he always does, but before he could get the words out, the large brass bell in the center of town started to ring, its heavy chimes reverberating through the streets.

Immediately, his face lit up, forgetting all about Eliana's comment. "Perfect timing! They're back! We can make it if we hurry." He whipped towards the two girls standing behind him, latching each of his hands onto their wrists. "C'mon! I want a good view!"

And before either one of the girls could protest, Eren surged forward, pulling them along with him.

At some point during the sprint to the center of town, Eren had let go of Mikasa's hand—who was now running freely beside him, following him as she always did—but kept a firm grip on Eliana, dragging her behind him. It was almost as if he could sense the moment he let go, she'd sprint in the other direction as fast as she could.

She found that strange sometimes how Eren—dense and unobservant _Eren_ —could read her better than anyone else, even better than Armin. It annoyed her, especially now.

By the time they got to the main road through Shiganishina, the one that connected the gate to Wall Maria to the gate to the world outside the walls, a small crowd had already formed on the sides, everyone muttering in hushed tones as they waited for the Scouts to pass through.

"Ugh," Eren huffed as he pushed his way through the crowd, his grip still firm on Eliana's wrist. "Can't see squat!"

Eventually, he found two large crates pushed against one of the stone buildings and hopped on top of the tallest one as Mikasa helped Eliana onto the one beside his. He had let go of her wrist now, out of the excitement to see the Scouts or because he knew she wouldn't run now, she didn't know.

On top of the crate, Eliana was barely above eye-level to the rest of the much taller adults, but she was still able to peer over their heads to the small group shrouded in green capes at the end of the road. Beside her, Eren was bouncing up and down from sheer excitement, his wide-eyed gaze glued to them. Mikasa, much like Eliana, simply stood quietly with her hands folded in front of her.

Once the Scouts had gotten to the fringe of the crowd, the murmuring fell silent and all that could be heard was the soft clacking of horses' hooves on cobblestone. She didn't gaze over the soldiers like Eren was. She kept her gaze firmly rooted on the back of the man's head standing in front of her, refusing to even glance at them.

She didn't need to see what she had already seen before. Why Eren was so morbidly attracted to the sight of the battered soldiers, she would never understand.

"Sure taken a hit, haven't they?"

"Yeah. The rest of 'em got eaten. That's what happens when pride takes you outside the walls."

She had been doing her absolute best to block out everything around her, but the two men in front of her were talking too loudly to ignore. And yet, despite herself, she felt her fists clench at the derision in their words.

She may not be fond of the Scouts—and she wasn't, that much was fact to her—but that didn't mean that she wanted any of them dead. With what little of humanity there was left, any loss of life was abhorrent. To speak ill of the dead, even the foolish, was not polite, nor very humane.

In a way, she was jealous of the Scouts and she hated herself for it. They may be fools for leaving the walls, but at least they had done it, had seen what the world outside looked like, even if it was only a small chunk.

They had seen it and that was something only Eliana could ever _dream_ of doing.

"Moses?"

The sound of a frail, feminine voice echoed through the crowd and Eliana blinked, her gaze refocusing to the small, elderly woman stepping out into the road in front of the Scouts. She didn't recognize the woman, which didn't happen often as she was fairly certain she had seen over half of the town while on-call with her father. With gray hair pulled back in a tight bun, the woman outstretched a thin, bony hand to the soldier in the very front of the crowd, who she assumed to be the commander. She had never bothered to learn his name.

The woman wasn't yelling as she was before, so Eliana could only catch bits and pieces of what she was saying, but she knew she heard the words "where" and "son".

The commander said something to her then, his head bowed as if in disappointment before he nodded to the black-haired soldier standing behind him. He reached into the wagon behind him and presented the woman with a long piece of white cloth, speckled in blood.

The woman cradled the cloth in her arm as she carefully unwrapped it. Even from where she was standing, Eliana could make out the long, tanned fingers poking out from the bloody sheet.

The woman clutched the arm to her chest as she began to cry, falling to her knees from grief. Her cries began to morph into sobs then to wails, the broken sound echoing over the silent crowd. She pressed her wrinkled face against the fabric in her arms as the commander knelt in front of her. He seemed to be saying something to her, maybe trying to get her out of the way so that they could continue their way through town, but the woman snapped her head up at him.

In between her wails, she screamed, "Tell me my son's death meant something! Tell me his sacrifice gave us a better chance!"

At her outburst, the brown-haired, lined-faced commander froze, seemingly at a loss for words. Then, when he finally spoke, his voice carried across the crowd.

"He was brave!" The commander paused, his face faltering. "But...his sacrifice meant nothing. So with all our losses. It's ever the same." Suddenly, she noticed the large tears streaming down his face before his voice grew louder.

"The day was lost! We have nothing! Your son died because of me! I sent him to his death! I sent all of them to their deaths! And there's nothing to show for it! _All of it amounts to nothing!_ "

No one in the crowd dared say a word after that. Even when the commander had collected himself and the Scouts had continued their way down the road, no one spoke for a moment. Eliana had focused her gaze on the faded cobblestone as she tried to force the broken sobs of the mother out of her head.

Once the velvet green cloaks disappeared further into town, she finally allowed herself to look up, fixing her gaze on her brother.

"So, Eren, is that really the kind of life you want?"

Despite the hard, blunt nature of her words, her voice was soft, softer than she had meant it to be. She wanted him to understand the gravity of the choice he was making and then realize it wasn't one he wanted. She wanted him to go completely against who he was and be normal for a change. No heroics, no talk about honor and fighting. To give up.

Maybe it was selfish, but she wanted him to understand all the things he would give up, the things he would lose. The things _she_ would lose if something were to happen to him.

Eren was silent, perhaps as silent as she had ever heard him. Then, after a moment, he turned to her, his jaw set and nose held high. And when he met her gaze, she didn't see any worry or fear. No, all she saw was pure, hard determination.

"Yes. That's exactly the kind of life I want."

He had said those words with such confidence, no hesitation, or wavering in his voice. There was even a small, crooked smile on his face, the gently mischievous smile that he would only ever give to her because she knew him better than anyone. As if giving her that smile, that language that only they shared, would somehow soften the blow.

It didn't.

She wanted to curse and smack him so hard that she knocked some sense back into his head. She wanted to yell at him, force him to make the right choice, the better choice, but she stood completely still, her arms laying limply by her sides.

She wasn't strong like Mikasa. She couldn't just drag Eren away from the things that scared her, and that meant she couldn't hold onto him forever.

With that hollow, cold feeling seeping into her, instead of hearing the mother's crying out for her dead son, all she could hear now was her own voice, wailing Eren's name over and over.

And no matter how hard she cried and pleaded, Eren never came.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry y'all, not proofread. Forgive any errors, I'll go back and fix them later :)


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